19 Things Only Chronically Late People Understand

19 Things Only Chronically Late People Understand

Thought Catalog

Flickr / chrisschoenbohmFlickr / chrisschoenbohm

1. When you text someone that you’re “5 mins away” it means you’re still sitting on your couch in your sweatpants.

2. Your friends start lying to you about what time they want you to meet them somewhere. If they actually want you there at 8:30, they’ll tell you to come at 8.

3. …You try to be offended by this, but then you arrive at 8:30 and you’re like, point taken. 

4. If you actually do arrive to something on time, your friends usually greet you with a surprised “What are you doing here?!”

5. And by the way, for you, “on time” means any arrival period that’s within a 10 minute range of when you should have gotten there.

6. You used to try to include reasons for your lateness when you would text your friends to let them know you were going to be…

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Review: Battle of Five Armies

Spoiler Alert….

With Smaug’s fiery destruction ended relatively swiftly, the majority of Battle of Five Armies is dedicated to character development, the titular battle and paving the way for the plot of Lord of the Rings.

The latest, and final, instalment of the Hobbit franchise requires quite an extensive suspension of belief even for the fantasy genre. Tolkien’s world is one of magical rings, gravity-defying elves and, in the Hobbit’s case, excessively CGI-d orcs, but Lord of the Rings always had a touch of realism to it. This may be in part due to the sweeping sets, from the halls of Gondor to the interior of Mount Doom, the sets added to an almost overwhelming sense of realism. But the idea of the, in comparison, limited armies of Thandriul even combined with the dwarf, human and eagle forces, defeating the expansive army of orcs, reached beyond the boundaries of fantasy believability. Watching the dwarves retreating and on the point of extinction made it difficult for me to believe a measly eight more would make a difference. Granted, they’re proven skilled fighters, and Thorin proves a rallying point, but the crane shot that showed the differences in numbers made me believe the demise of at least a significant portion of the dwarf army inevitable. On a quick, pedantic note: two dwarves fighting a hundred goblins with apparent ease, not sustaining even a shred in their clothing? This made it difficult for me to believe any situation would be perilous to this apparently immortal race. (Yes, I was quickly proven wrong.)

Another issue I had with this film is one I had in regards to Lord of the Rings: the eagles are essentially a deus ex machina, a plot device. What perplexed me was; why didn’t the eagles return Gandalf and Bilbo to the Shire? It took a considerable amount of time to reach the Mountain, and the trip was shown to be one of perilous danger in the first two instalments. Regardless of this, hearing the Eagles are coming, previously used in Return of the King as a symbol of hope and salvation, turned into a sign of helplessness and despair, was particularly harrowing, and I applaud the script-writers for this subversion. 

The ending left me somewhat unsatisfied also, with more than a few lingering questions. What happens to the contents of the Mountain? Does Bard become Master of the town? Was Tauriel unbanished? Peter Jackson seems to have gone down the polar opposite route of Return of the King with it’s multiple endings that, despite dragging the already long running time, leave you with the satisfaction of knowing the outcome for most of the characters. I did however, enjoy the final scene, which effectively linked the Hobbit series with Lord of the Rings.

The above criticisms are not to say I didn’t enjoy the movie; Battle of Five Armies tie­s in with An Unexpected Journey for my favourite of the Hobbit franchise. The battle scenes were up to their usual Peter Jackson standards, and, for someone who’s never read the novel, filled with tension about what the outcome would be. The acting also was spectacular. Ian McKellen and Martin Freeman were stellar as expected, the latter’s performance of denial and grief was particularly stellar. The stand out actor for me was Richard Armitage however. Armitage pulls off Thorin’s broody, vengeful persona effectively, but his performance during Battle of Five Armies, particularly the effects of dragon sickness was unsettling, his demise and reconciliation with Bilbo evocative.

Despite it’s flaws, Five Armies definitely exceeded my expectations after the disappointment of the bloated Desolation of Smaug, and contains stunning performances from it’s standout cast. I’d describe the movie as more of a popcorn flick, an enjoyable way to kill a few hours with some remarkable action scenes interlaced with, questionably timed, comedic moments.

Grade: B-

10 Great Terry Pratchett Quotations on His Birthday

Interesting Literature

Since today is the birthday of Sir Terence David John Pratchett, better known to the world as Discworld author Terry Pratchett (Happy Birthday, Sir Terry!), we’ve compiled a list of our favourite one-liners and wise remarks from the master of comic fantasy.

‘Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.’

– Foreword to The Ultimate Encyclopedia of Fantasy (1998) by David Pringle

‘A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.’

– The Fifth Elephant

‘When I was a child I read books far too old for me and sometimes far too young for me. Every reading child is different. Introduce them to the love of reading, show them the way to the library and let them get on with it. The space between the young reader’s eyeballs and the printed page is a holy place and officialdom…

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Margie-Rule # 1: Never Take Any Word for Granted

Writers In The Storm Blog

Margie Lawson By Margie Lawson

A big THANK YOU to Laura Drake and Fae Rowen for inviting me on WITS , and hugs to Sharla for loading it on the blog.

Do you watch NCIS?

I love giving my brain a weekly dose of NCIS. Millions of others love the show too. The stories are intriguing. The characters are deep and quirky. And Jethro Gibbs, aka Mark Harmon, has rules.

Gibbs has lots of rules. Over 50 rules.

I’m spinning-off Margie-Rules from Gibbs’ rules. My next fifteen (or fifty) blogs will feature a different Margie-Rule.

I appreciate the NCIS writers for their award-winning writing, and for giving Gibbs rules.

Gibbs’ Rule # 8: Never take anything for granted.

Today’s Blog: Margie-Rule #1: Never Take Any Word for Granted.

Writers like words. Writers like how words sound, how they look, how they roll. They select words for their connotations, their subliminal messages, their power…

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Five Fascinating Facts about The Hunger Games

Interesting Literature

1. The idea for The Hunger Games came to author Suzanne Collins while channel-hopping between coverage of the invasion of Iraq and a reality TV show. The idea began to form in her mind of a narrative which concerned a televised fight to the death. The theme of the series has led critics to draw comparisons with similar works, principally Battle Royale, a 1999 novel by Japanese author Koushun Takami, but the idea of a dystopian future world in which people fight each other as part of a television programme is found in a novel by Stephen King (writing as Richard Bachman), The Running Man (1982).

2. The author of The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins, was one of the writers on the 1990s teen TV show Clarissa Explains It AllCollins worked in television for many years during the 1990s; her other television writing credits included Clifford’s Puppy…

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Five Fascinating Facts about J. R. R. Tolkien

Interesting Literature

Tolkien was born on this day in 1892. In honour of the anniversary of his birth, we’re launching a new series, ‘Five Fascinating Facts’, which will be a regular feature on this blog over the coming months. Fans of our blog may have followed our recent series, ‘Five Reasons’, featuring articles on lesser-known writers such as George Meredith, Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton, Ernest Dowson, and George du Maurier. Now we’re turning to the more famous and canonical figures of literature, in an attempt to unearth the surprising and little-known nuggets about these authors.

1. J. R. R. Tolkien was the author of the second and third bestselling novels written in English. According to at least one estimate, The Lord of the Rings is the second biggest-selling novel in English, while The Hobbit comes in at number three, with estimated sales of 100 million copies for each. (We…

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